


Surprise Landing

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, Brotp, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Star Wars - Freeform, otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:41:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: I know what am I doing posting ANOTHER new story when I have so many unfinished ones? But I actually wrote this awhile ago and just finally decided it's something I don't have the energy to go further with right now, so for the time being it's going to be a one shot. Yes I know it stops in an annoying place but I still love the lead up to that and want to share it. I'll be getting back to my regularly scheduled programs soon... I hope...When Anakin and Ahsoka are unexpectedly reunited during the Battle of Coruscant, will it change anything or make things worse? With his best friend back, Anakin actually shares a secret that shatters her reality, now she has to decide if her love for him can overcome it or if they'll both fall apart because of it.Even though I wrote this after the introduction of the Martes sisters in season 7, I still prefer Nyx for some things, so I purposely used him in the story instead. (He makes more sense to me anyways). Also just to be clear, Ahsoka is on Coruscant not Mandalore during Revenge of the Sith.Really I just wanted to know what would happen if Ahsoka had been around (sorta) during the last few events of RotS.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 19
Kudos: 119





	Surprise Landing

She looked up from the speeder she was fixing at the sound of something scraping against the landing platform or the buildings outside. She gritted her teeth to the horrible screech as it bounced around in her head. There was a loud, not quite explosion, but definitely a crunch that indicated whatever had just landed outside the shop doors was not going to be in good shape. Too bad Nyx wasn’t here to handle this, she didn’t like working with the customers. 

She wiped her hands and threw the rag over her shoulder. Then she marched to the door and pressed the button. The shop doors parted slowly, and she stood there with her arms crossed. They'd better be willing to pay for any damage they caused. The moment she caught sight of the yellow painted ship; her mouth dropped. She had the urge to run back inside and slam the button to close the doors again. 

She heard the familiar beeps and whirs, then the all too familiar cursing that accompanied it. She took a deep breath. "I don't know if you're aware of this, Skyguy, but ships are supposed to fly, not crash."

He whirled around, eyes wide, jaw dropping when he saw her. Before she could react, he'd pulled her into his arms and lifted her off her feet. "Ahsoka?" 

“Okay, okay,” she said, pulling away. “I’m not a squishy toy, let me breathe a little.”

“Sorry, I just...” he trailed off looking her over. “I was surprised to see you.”

“Why? Did you think I just vanished into thin air?” she smirked and then bent down to pick up the rag he’d knocked off her shoulder when he’d squeezed her so hard. She wasn’t exactly trying to be rude but being snippy was the only way she could hide her true feelings about seeing him again.

“Well, it _uh_... kind of felt that way.” He got this really sad look in his eyes and dropped his chin to stare at the ground. _Argh!_ She hated this. Leaving him had been hard enough as it was, but now he had to crash into Nyx’s shop and play the victim in the situation. 

She marched passed him, not ready to give in so easily. She pried the dented panel off the engine of his fighter and pulled a light from her belt to study the damage. “It looks like you’ve blown at least four of the six gaskets. The motivator will need to be completely replaced, and the air sensor is useless.” She stood up. “And you’re missing a wing. That’ll cost ya.” She turned around and shined her light in his face, not exactly meaning to blind him but he brought his hands up anyways. “And you’d better be willing to pay for the damage to the shop, otherwise Nyx is going to be one unhappy camper when he gets back from his run.” She headed for the door. “We might have some parts inside, but the wing will take some time to fix, you won’t be flying again today. At least not in that junk heap.”

He followed her inside as she headed to the register and picked up a datapad. She ignored his furtive glances at her as she typed out the information. “What are you doing?”

“Preparing an estimate for the work involved on your ship,” she said simply without looking up. As far as she was concerned, he was just another customer right now and the sooner he was on his way, the sooner she could breathe again.

“I meant, what are you doing, _here?_ ” he whispered. It took every ounce of strength she had to not react to the punch in the gut those words caused. She’d known what he meant, but she wasn’t ready to deal with it. The longer she could avoid the topic, the better. It wasn’t like he’d understand anyways.

“I work here, Skyguy,” she said in annoyance. “Some of us have to make a living, you know?” She set the datapad down on the counter in front of him and turned it so he could look it over. “Jedi starfighter parts aren’t cheap, you really ought to take better care of your ship. Sign here that you agree to the payment and I’ll order the parts and get to work.”

“Ahsoka…”

She tapped the datapad again and then turned her back on him, heading back to the speeder she’d been working on before he’d crashed into the shop. She didn’t know what to think about the odds that he’d land right here, practically in her lap. But if he didn’t leave soon, she was going to break down and it had taken way too long to get back on her feet as it was. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, and maybe she was being too harsh, but she was still hurting over what happened and whether she liked it or not, he’d been a part of it. Not by his own choice obviously, but… She blew air out the side of her mouth and laid back down, scooting her way back under the speeder and getting back to work.

She could feel the tension in the room, knew the words he wanted to say. She knew any second now he was going to push past the boundaries she was putting between them and start trying to talk about it. She let out a sigh of relief when his comm beeped before he could.

“Anakin, where are you?” came Obi wan’s familiar voice.

“Uh,” he said distractedly. “I had some engine trouble and had to land.” She rolled her eyes. Not too long ago, she wouldn’t have hesitated to tell his master that he’d crashed just to tease him, but she kept her mouth shut this time. She didn’t want Obi wan to know he was here with her, because even if it had been an accident, they’d stumbled on each other again, Anakin would of course get into trouble for it. “Well call your captain to pick you up, we need you up here.”

“Yes, master,” he said weakly. She heard him click off the comm, but he didn’t immediately call Rex.

The longer she felt him standing there, the more tense she got. She cranked the tool so hard it bent in half and she stared at it a moment in surprise. Her emotions had gotten the better of her, because a tool that solid would only bend if she’d used the force on it. She dropped her head back on the ground and just stared at the bottom of the speeder, expecting any second for his face to appear above her. It didn’t, but she knew he hadn’t left yet.

“I’ll call you when it’s ready,” she said to him, hoping that would be enough of a hint to finally leave. She tipped her head enough to peek and saw him scribble something on the datapad, sigh and walk out the door to the shop. It took a lot of effort not to start crying as soon as he was gone. She squeezed her eyes shut.

Why did she have to care about him so much? Why did she still care after a year apart? He’d not come after her, not that she’d given him any reason to. She just never imagined, she supposed, that he’d let her go. He’d been excited to see her, acting like he’d missed her and still wanted to be her friend. Which had felt good, she wasn’t denying that part. It was just that… she could still see the confusion in his eyes. He had no idea why she’d left. His sorrow made her feel guilty for taking care of herself. And of all people, he shouldn’t want to stay a Jedi. But he did. That was the problem. He’d told her on the temple steps he knew all about wanting to leave, but he never would. He’d never do it. They had him convinced he couldn’t, or that it would be selfish to. Maybe that was true, but the alternative was being drilled into the ground, to never speak your mind or stand up for yourself and be completely abandoned regardless of your service to the order when you need them the most.

She waited long enough to be certain she couldn’t feel him nearby anymore and finally crawled out and got to her feet, wiping her greasy hands on her jumpsuit. She peeked outside to the landing platform to be sure he was gone and then she made her way to his fighter. She was suddenly really glad Nyx wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. Now that she wasn’t distracted by him standing there, she started looking over his ship more thoroughly. Her hand slid across the chassis as she was flooded with memories. 

The truth was, she missed him like crazy. She missed him every second of every day. She wanted to go back to him or wanted him to come to her. She missed his presence, his energy, his smirk, even his attitude. She didn’t miss the Jedi order or the others nearly as much. Her hand landed on the huge dent in the front near the engine and she winced as the echo of violence crashed through her. She blinked up at the sky as it started raining. There wasn’t much she could make out up that far, but she knew there was fighting happening above them. She could feel it. She knew the war was here, but life went on as usual down here in the underbelly of Coruscant. The surface would be affected way more than level 1313. It bothered her more than she cared to admit that something had hit him hard enough to send him so far down the core.

She hoped he’d be safe back up there, she hoped she hadn’t been too much of a distraction. She shook herself and tried to outwill the fear that had started pumping through her at the thought. She should be up there with him. She should be the one helping him, the one flying next to him, the one watching his back. But instead she was down here, barely getting by.

She cursed to herself and headed back inside to get the lifter, in order to move his fighter inside. Not that she really needed it. Once she’d positioned it, she reached into the force, concentrating on the ship in front of her, lifting it off the platform, turning it and setting it down on the lifter so she could tow it inside. Then she headed back out and collected all the pieces of it that were scattered across the platform, including the broken pieces of the left wing. She didn’t really care too much about the damage to the shop even though Nyx would throw a tantrum about it. She was just grateful Anakin had survived getting shot down. Though to be fair, that seemed to happen to him a lot, so, he had experience on his side.

She chuckled to herself at the memories of their numerous crashes. It shouldn’t really be a funny thing, but it wasn’t the incidents that made her laugh, it was the banter and adventures that followed. Man, she missed that too. Life down here wasn’t like that at all. In fact, it was almost shocking to imagine she’d had way more fun and joy in her life in the middle of battle after battle. Looking back, she understood now that she owed him big time. He’d been more than just a master to her, he’d been a friend too. Someone she could count on, someone that cared about her wellbeing and protecting her more than just enough to do his sworn duty, even enough to go against the council for her. He’d also helped her beat the fear by turning everything into a game or creating random competitions. Everyone else frowned on their games, but… if it hadn’t been for them, she was absolutely certain the horror of everything going on would have overwhelmed her easily. It was too much to put on the shoulders of children. The weight of that responsibility… especially if the council didn’t back them up, support them, or help them… And she didn’t mean just physically being there.

She positioned his fighter into a corner of the shop and removed the lifter once she got it sitting on the stand so she could work under it. After putting the lifter away, she checked everything and then headed to the counter where he’d left the datapad to order the parts. She hadn’t even mentioned to him that getting replacement parts for a fighter of this class wouldn’t be easy. Unless she found a scrapper that had a wing off another Eta-2 ship, she’d have to modify a wing to fit it. It wouldn’t be easy, but she was sure she could do it. Yet another thing she owed him for; all the hours they’d spent working on ships and machines together. She’d wager she wouldn’t even have this job had it not been for Anakin and all the knowledge he’d passed onto her. It was ironic, she supposed, that she would now be fixing _his_ ship using everything he’d taught her. 

Realistically, the order would have sent someone to recover his starfighter and either scrap it or rebuild it. It really didn’t make sense for her to have pressured him into signing the form so she could fix it. They were especially touchy about that, not wanting to leave their technology just lying around for anybody to salvage. But she knew in the heat of battle, Anakin wouldn’t question leaving it there with her. He probably didn’t even think of her as a civilian anyways, just someone that wasn’t currently a Jedi but still held their status. Something she was actually thankful for at the moment since being next to his ship was as close to being with him again as she could get.

She sighed in frustration. _Then why the kriff had she rushed him out the door?_ She pushed over a ladder and climbed into the cockpit, relaxing into the feel of him all around her. She felt so stupid. Why couldn’t she have told him what was going on? Now he probably thought she wanted nothing to do with him, which was the absolute furthest thing from the truth. When would she learn to keep her mouth shut; resist the snippiness that always got her into trouble? Maybe when it was time for him to come pick it up, she’d work up the nerve to tell him what she hadn’t been able to handle today when he’d dropped in so unexpectedly.

When she finally was done breathing him in, she went around and locked up the shop before getting to work on it. Normally they didn’t close for a few more hours, but since she was alone here and wanted to do a good job on Anakin’s fighter, she didn’t want to be disturbed.

She worked late into the night, not really paying attention to how much time passed. All she cared about at the moment was wanting to make sure she didn’t miss any vital components or overlook any damage however small. It wouldn’t help with the battle that had been happening above, but so deep in the force, she’d felt it start to fade as though the worst of it had ended already. She hoped that meant Anakin had done what he always did best and save the day. But even if he wouldn’t need his ship back right away, she still wanted to do the best job she could on it. After all the memories that had flooded her, it felt like a way she could thank him for everything he’d done. _If_ he even wanted to talk to her again after what had happened earlier. 

She didn’t realize how long she’d been under the ship until her stomach growled and she finally glanced at the chrono. It was the early morning now, no wonder her body was so hungry. She finished screwing in the last bolt and rolled out from under it, groaning as she got to her feet. She was so stiff it took a good few minutes of stretching to be able to even take a step. But even though her stomach growled impatiently again, she paused to look it over.

She’d made good progress on it. The wing was still missing obviously, but she’d repaired everything else except for what required the parts she’d ordered. She’d hammered out all the dents and dings she found until it was smooth. Considering the shape it had been in when she’d first seen it, she was feeling pretty proud of her progress. One good thing about starfighters is they weren’t really that big, so enough time devoted to fixing them and the turn around shouldn’t be more than a day or two. 

Despite the way she’d reacted to his sudden appearance this afternoon, she was looking forward to seeing him again, assuming he’d be the one to return for the ship. After she went to the kitchen and grabbed some food, she went back downstairs and leaned against the counter, studying it. She had the strongest urge to fly it, missing the freedom and excitement of being up there where the whole galaxy opened up to you.

She smiled nostalgically as she thought about the way her and Anakin would take short jumps away from the fleet on “scouting missions” just to escape the war for awhile. Sometimes it was to get real food as opposed to government rations, sometimes it was just to explore other moons in a system. So many possibilities. She missed those times; they’d been her favorite. When he wasn’t thinking about being a general, or about being a Jedi even, or trying to convince everybody he had it all figured out. When he’d let down his guard and laugh or make jokes. Those were the moments her heart would swell with emotions, things the Jedi frowned on. But was it really so bad to feel good things? Joy, hope, even love?

She hated to say it, but that was the way she loved him the most. When he was free to be himself, free of everyone else’s expectations. She loved him every other way too, but those were the times she longed for him. The times she begged every second to last longer than it conceivably could. The hardest part was always going back; that crash of reality as the weight of war and responsibility settled firmly back on their shoulders. Did he ever think of those times they’d spent together? Did he miss those moments the way she did? Had any of it meant anything to him? Or had it just been something to do; a fleeting thing that meant nothing more than a momentary escape?

She sighed, trying to shake off the pain and get back to work.

\---

“A Jedi fighter?” Nyx exclaimed, startling her and she smacked her head on the underbelly of the ship. “How’d you score one of these? Do you know how much we could make selling this?”

“It’s not for sale,” she said in annoyance, rubbing her now throbbing head.

“Yeah, maybe not right now… but seriously, Ahsoka. How likely are the Jedi going to miss one ship? They have a whole arsenal at their disposal.”

“I told you, it’s not for sale,” she raised her voice a little.

“What why?” He turned to look at her, scowling. “The credits we could make from this would set us up real nice, somewhere off this stupid planet. Just picture this-” He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her over away from it so they could look at it as a whole. “You and me, an upper-class shop on Naboo or Corellia, arachsilk jumpers with marilite buttons.” He waved his hand across in front of them as though the shop would transform to this image he was describing.

“You do realize that grease is really hard to get out of arachsilk right?” she smirked, pushing him away.

“We’d be rich enough to afford to hire other people to do the work, obviously,” he said, his enthusiasm hardly even dented by her statement.

“Getting off Coruscant would be nice,” she admitted. “But if I was able to afford it, the last thing I’d want is to work in another repair shop. Even an upper class one.”

“Well, what would you want to do?” he sighed dramatically as though she’d completely dashed his greatest dream.

“I always kind of thought I’d like to, uh…” she trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. Nyx was the last person she wanted to tell her dream to, because truthfully… it didn’t include him. “Maybe start a family,” she squeaked, retreating to the other side of the fighter as though it could hide her from her admission. It was a dream she’d never fully realized until she’d said it outloud. It had crossed her mind a few times, but she’d always shaken it off, focusing on her life as a Jedi, and the war, instead of foolish fantasies. 

But as her love for Anakin had grown, it was something that had popped up more and more often, the idea of them… someday being together, having kids, maybe having a semi-normal life…

“Well, er,” Nyx coughed, breaking into her thoughts, “I mean it’s a possibility.”

She shook her head even though she wasn’t sure he could see her. “This fighter isn’t for sale, Nyx.” She patted it gently. “And before you say it, yes they _would_ notice. We might not make as much repairing it as we would selling it, but it’s still a good dividend.”

“Whoever left it here must have really trusted you,” he said, and she peeked around the ship to see him cross his arms. “From what I’ve heard, they never let anyone other than their people touch them.”

“Probably because other people try to sell their own ship out from under them to third party buyers,” she smirked. “Do you know how damaging it could be to the Jedi if this technology made it into Separatist hands?”

“Eh,” he waved his hand dismissively. “So, there’d be a few less of them around. No big loss.” She’d forgotten for just a moment that Nyx didn’t like Jedi, but his words had made her bristle anyways. Yeah maybe she wasn’t on the best terms with them, but she’d never wish for any of their deaths, not even the members of the council that had been particularly cold in throwing her out. But just the thought of losing Anakin because of something like that made her blood run dry.

“You realize those Jedi you dislike so much are the last line of defense that’s keeping Coruscant safe and the Republic alive, right?”

“Whoa, touchy subject,” he said, raising his hands up. “Since when do you care about the Jedi?”

_Since I’m in love with one of them…_ She caught the words in her mouth, thankfully. “Um… I.. uh…” she started panicking. “I just think there’s more going on than we hear about.” As if Anakin had ever thought of her that way anyways, who was she kidding?

\---

“Are you sure we can’t sell it?” Nyx said sullenly the following evening as they looked over the fighter she’d finished. One of their contacts had come through and found a mostly intact wing so she hadn’t had to build one. There’d still been work to be done on it, but at least it was for the right class ship. She’d even gone the extra mile and repainted it. She was feeling pretty proud, it looked brand new and she’d already tested it out. Not that she’d gone far with it, that would have been too dangerous. While Jedi ships mostly had immunity to go anywhere necessary, people would notice one flying around where there wasn’t a battle and word would get back to the order, which could cascade down to Anakin getting into trouble again.

“Just make the call,” she said in annoyance, trying to hide her nerves. She’d been looking forward to it all day, to tell Anakin it was ready so he’d come back, but now that it was time to call him, she’d convinced Nyx to do it. 

Nyx pouted. “Fine,” he groaned. “But if he doesn’t come get it tonight, he’s out of luck.”

“You’re really going to risk getting on the bad side of a Jedi for some credits?” she smirked, knowing full well that of all of them… Anakin wasn’t the one to mess with. Not that he’d care about the ship nearly as much as well… other things. 

Nyx rolled his eyes and picked up the communicator, dialing the number Anakin had left on the form. She tried really hard not to listen, but she wanted to hear his voice. She hoped he was even still around. “Is this Anakin Skywaltzer?”

She sighed in frustration at the way he’d said Anakin’s name. She heard music in the background and wondered where the he was. Hopefully not out with Padmé… she clenched a little at the thought, suddenly really glad she wasn’t the one calling him. 

“Skywalker,” Anakin corrected, and she smiled in spite of herself.

“Sorry, can’t read your scribbles,” Nyx said nonchalantly as though he clearly didn’t care that he’d said his name wrong. “Your ship is ready; we close in an hour.” He hung up and she crossed her arms in annoyance. “What?” he shrugged at her. “I told him everything he needed to know. Not my fault if he’s not smart enough to figure it out.”

She bit her tongue trying not to say what she really wanted to. “You really don’t want to give him a chance, do you?”

“Ohhhh, I see what’s going on here,” Nyx teased. “You like him! Well then why didn’t you call him?”

“I don’t like him!” she lied but blushed anyways. _Kriff._

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but I heard Jedi aren’t allowed to love. Which explains a lot about why they’re so cold, actually,” Nyx said. It took so much willpower not to correct him. So much. “They’re living the high life up there; fancy temple, fancy food, fancy ships, supernatural powers, why would the need love?” He trailed off and she looked at him in surprise, since there’d been something unexpected in his tone. “Well, I’m going to go take a shower, so maybe after this loser picks up his ship and pays us, we can go out and celebrate a job well done.” He ran up the stairs before she could say anything in response.

She stared at the spot where he’d been standing, he might not know her past, and he definitely didn’t need to know how few things he’d said about the Jedi were true, but she’d felt the longing in his words. The loneliness. Maybe it had resonated with her so strongly because she felt the same way, just… not about him. He was right about one thing though; Jedi weren’t allowed to love.

She dropped down onto a nearby crate and rubbed her face. Not that that stopped them though. Trial or not, she never would have lasted as a Jedi. Her heart wanted more than they allowed. From the moment it dawned on her she had far more feelings for Anakin than admiration and respect… her path in life had taken a nosedive. Maybe it was true what they said about love. Maybe it _was_ a path to the dark side. _Look how it had destroyed my life_ …

\---

“Wow,” he whispered, and she blinked up in surprise. Either he hadn’t been far away or she’d completely lost track of time drowning in her thoughts. She stumbled trying to get to her feet, heart racing now that he was standing in front of her again. 

“Do you like it?” she choked, feeling suddenly so small.

His blue eyes slid from the ship to her and she could have sworn she started shaking. So much for the snippiness that kept her head above the waves of emotion. “It’s amazing,” he said softly. “You did all of this in two days?”

“Uh, yeah,” she blushed again. “I felt like I kind of owed it to you.” She was trying not to stare at the way his hair fell in waves around his face.

“For what?” he asked coming closer and she backed into the crate and almost lost her balance.

She looked down at her feet and clasped her hands together. “For everything,” she breathed finally. “You _uh_ … took really good care of me and… I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.” The bottom of his robes appeared in her field of vision and she looked up at his face. “I’m sorry about the other day, I was just… surprised to see you and… I guess I panicked. It’s _er_ … been awhile.”

He reached out and set his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it softly. She tried to will herself not to cry at the familiar touch. The one that had comforted her so many times through so many things. The one he seemed to do to comfort himself too. She couldn’t stand it anymore and threw her arms around his waist and held him tight. His outer robe enveloped her almost completely as he pulled her in closer still. “I’ve missed you, Ahsoka,” he whispered against her forehead and that was all it took. She did start crying this time. 

“I’ve missed you too,” she cried, burying her face in his chest, not wanting to let him go. He’d been the only one at the temple to really care about her, why had she been so mad he’d tried to get her to stay? Maybe he hadn’t noticed everything, but he’d been the only one that had stood up for her, the only one that had believed in her when everything else had crashed down around her. She’d closed him out too, she’d closed everything out. And maybe it had seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but now… now that he was right here in front of her again, she hated that she had.

The hug lasted a long time, neither of them seemed inclined to pull away. She was glad he’d come back even though she hadn’t given him much reason to. But despite having spent nearly two solid days fixing the ship, it hardly seemed like enough of a thank you for all the things he’d done. 

“You know,” she said finally. “It was really hard to resist the urge to take it out for a spin.”

She didn’t even have to look up to know he’d smiled. She’d felt it go all the way through him. “Well Snips,” he said, that old mischief back in his voice. “I have nowhere to be for awhile, let’s see if any of my lessons stuck.”

“And what do you mean by that, Skyguy?” She put her hands on her hips. 

His eyes twinkled and she knew exactly what was coming, a challenge of sorts. “Well the ship sure _looks_ pretty, but I want to know how well it _runs._ ” 

“It’ll run fine, provided you don’t crash it this time!” she teased.

“Oh yeah?” he smirked. “Prove it!” He leapt into the cockpit and she pulled the ladder away. “Well? Are you coming or not?” He peered over the edge.

She bit her lip but didn’t hesitate very long. Of course she was coming. A chance to fly with him again? She’d never pass that up. Even though she’d slept very little since he showed up the first time, she was suddenly wide awake. But the idea of them getting cozy in the one-person cockpit of his fighter made a rush of warmth crash through her. 

She didn’t want him to see it though, so she leapt to the top of the ship and climbed in, dropping onto his lap. “Oof,” he said. “You’ve grown up a bit since last time.”

“Nice of you to notice.” She shifted so she could sit as comfortably on his lap as possible. “Are you driving, or am I?”

“Well, since all I can see right now is the back of your lekku, you’d better drive,” he said, leaning his cheek against it and wrapping his arms around her waist. “I hope you didn’t forget how,” he teased.

“Of course not,” she said stubbornly.

“Then why aren’t we moving?”

“Because you’re too tall, Skyguy, and I can’t reach the pedals from up here.”

“You be the navigator, I’ll be the speed controller then,” he said. “Like old times.” He’d whispered the last part as though he hesitated to confess that he’d missed it too. 

She smiled in spite of herself. She knew the ‘old times’ he was talking about were things the other Jedi didn’t know he’d taught her. She knew it was a lesson not mandated by the order. With all their issues with attachments, they’d never understand why Anakin had spent so much time and energy teaching her how to trust in someone else. How to move with another as though you were two parts of the same thing. His main method had been in the ship, in flying. They’d take turns with what they’d control, neither of them being the only one flying. They’d fall deep in the force, responding to each other intuitively as if they were the same person. And it was something she’d been all too aware, he’d needed too.

Over the years, his faith in various people had been irrevocably shattered. It had taken him a really long time to let her in, but when he had, through these exercises, it had been the most beautiful and satisfying moments of her entire life. That he would place all his trust in her, that in precarious and dangerous situations, he’d let her be his eyes, he’d trust her to guide him right for his part. And it had been difficult for her too at first. Trust was something she’d struggled with the longest. But it was a lesson the Jedi didn’t teach. Not in the ways that really mattered.

It was this trust they’d placed in each other that had made them so effective as a team. How they’d learned to communicate in glances and quick touches. How they could have an entire conversation while standing on opposite sides of the room and nobody else, not even the other Jedi, had ever known. And it was that trust that had been shattered during the trial. He’d believed in her despite everyone else trying to convince him otherwise, but he’d missed noticing her cry of fear and pain; the downward spiral her life had taken that day. He’d expected her to come back, to trust them again after what they’d done to her... and his lack of understanding was what had broke them too. How could she trust him again if he hadn’t even seen her fall? And she’d broken _his_ trust by walking away and leaving him behind.

So... she had no idea if this trust exercise would even get off the ground tonight. She didn’t really know if she was capable of opening up to him like that again. Even if she really wanted to.

She took a deep breath and started the engine, her hands a little shaky as she checked all the systems to prepare for liftoff. She swallowed hard and then started trying to sink into the force. It took a bit of a fight, but eventually she felt him becoming clear and distinct in the force too. His energy was as chaotic and wild as it usually was, but she felt something new and raw in it that had never been there before. She didn’t ask though, because he tightened his grip around her waist and buried his face in the back of her shoulder. Maybe he was needing this as badly as she was?

Considering how much time had passed and how much had happened since they’d last done this, she was surprised by how easily he’d let her seep in. Something had terrified him, something that felt strangely disconnected from the war. Something that he feared far more than letting her see it, and while concerning, she didn’t have the nerve to pry at the moment. He was clinging to her right now as though she was quite literally the last thing he could count on. And... she didn’t really know how she felt about that. 

She pulled back on the levers, gently lifting them off the stands. She guided the ship around, barely missing some of the things she’d forgotten to clear out of the way. She rubbed her right knee against his thigh and he pressed the throttle in response. Then she rubbed his left leg and he slowed it down. So far so good.

They came to the shop doors and stopped, and he let go of her long enough to wave his hand in the direction of the locking mechanism and the hanger doors groaned and started to slide apart. Then he put his arms back around her and she waited until the doors were completely open before she nudged him to move again.

She took it slow at first, getting back into the feel and mindset of the exercise and not wanting to screw this up for him. With everything going on, she really really wanted to prove to him that he hadn’t wasted anything on her even if she couldn’t be a Jedi again. 

They fell in sync surprisingly easily despite so much time passing since last time. Before long she barely even had to move to get him to speed up or slow down. She was careful navigating them out of the core, but as the sky opened up to them, she felt the need for speed. He read her cue easily, blindly trusting that whatever speed they got to, she would guide them safely.

Away from the tight spaces and heavy traffic near the core, she relaxed into him; falling back into the familiar feel of flying and freedom. They weaved between the buildings, finding more and more difficult obstacle courses as they remembered what it was like to work together and trust each other. 

She tried not to be too distracted by the feel of him there, holding her so tight. But she couldn’t deny anymore that there in his arms was the only place where everything made sense. Where every path, or deviation to her path, still seemed to begin and end with him. It was as if the force itself had transformed into an intersection street sign, but every arrow pointed the way back to him. And while she doubted he’d ever felt that same way about her, she still reveled in the right here, right now.

After her year on the run from her past and everything from her past, she was surprised to realize she felt safe again. How was it that someone so unpredictable and dangerous could make her so calm? 

“There’s probably a hyperspace ring still up here,” he said after they’d been flying for awhile. “See if you can find it.” She nodded and started adjusting the radar to search for one, taking them higher out of the atmosphere. 

“Where are we going?” she asked curiously, surprised he was even thinking about leaving Coruscant right now, especially with _her_. 

“I don’t know,” he breathed, but she felt the same raw fear course through her again. “Surprise me.”

“Anakin?”

“Please, Ahsoka...” He squeezed her so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. “I just need to clear my head.”

“Okay,” she whispered and put her focus back on looking for a hyperspace ring. They flew around for awhile before she finally got a hit on the radar. As she approached it, linking up with it she tried to think about where they could go. Any other planets would be too far away. Then she remembered an uninhabited moon they’d found on one of their earliest lessons and she started inputing the coordinates. Without Artoo, she had to set it up manually, which took quite a bit longer.

She nudged him to dock with the ring and then she pulled the lever. She didn’t like knowing that there was something bothering him so much he wanted to just run away for awhile. What could have happened? What could be worse than the war that he needed to escape?

It was about ten minutes into their jump that she realized he’d started crying. “Anakin?” she shifted, trying to look over her shoulder. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Snips,” he cried. 

“Do what?” She squeezed his left hand that was still tight around her waist. 

“Everything is just so messed up. I’m losing control.”

“But...”

“I need you,” he choked between sobs.

“I’m right here,” she reassured him. Maybe she should have been there before. She’d known leaving would be hard on him, but she’d never imagined it would break him; that she’d been so important to him that he wouldn’t be able to keep going without her. Maybe it was the trust thing all over again. But surely he still had others he could trust...?

“Where were you?” His voice pitched higher; a flash of anger seared her senses. “Why did you leave me?” _Oh no..._ she should have known she wouldn’t be able to avoid explaining it a second time. She had no choice but to be honest, unsure he’d listen to any reason she presented. She had to stay calm, she had to speak of it as though she’d actually managed to sort it all out in the year she’d been gone, though that was hardly the truth. 

“Oh Anakin,” she murmured before she could catch herself. She hoped that hadn’t sounded condescending or belittling. “I didn’t want to leave you. It was the hardest part.” She dropped her chin and stared at their feet. “What happened, what Barriss said... what the council did to me... it broke me.” She swallowed hard, trying to keep her voice as level as possible. “I was afraid, so... so afraid. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. I felt so lost, I felt... empty. It felt like nothing I’d been fighting for my whole life meant anything anymore.”

She gripped his hands tighter, trying to fight the rising emotion. How was she supposed to explain it? How was she going to convince him that she’d made the right decision when all he could see was his own pain? 

“I needed to clear my head,” she continued carefully. “I needed to escape it before it overwhelmed me.” She hoped he’d understand that need since that was exactly what he seemed to be doing right now. “I’d hoped that I wouldn’t be gone long... I’d hoped that I could figure it out and come back to you. But...”

“You didn’t.” His voice was surly, but mainly sad. There was accusation in his tone too, like he blamed her for his state right now and she sucked in a breath at that realization.

“No, I didn’t.” She swallowed, overwhelmed with the rush of her own pain on top of his. She couldn’t come up with a good enough reason for abandoning him, so she sighed in defeat. “I’m sorry,” she choked. All the excuses she’d made, all the logic she’d used to justify her choice felt worthless in the shadow of his own suffering. 

He was silent for a long time and she really had no idea what to expect in response. She felt everything she needed to. She’d failed him. She’d abandoned him. She’d broken his trust. She wasn’t sure they could recover from that.

“Padmé is pregnant,” he said so quietly, had it not been for the jolt of pain that it shot through her, she might never have absorbed his words. “You know how the council will react when they find out. I don’t know what to do. I keep having these nightmares, that she dies in childbirth. I can’t... I can’t handle that. I can’t lose her. I don’t want to be a father, I just want us to go back, I want to go back before my world started crashing down around me.” 

Her heart was racing at his confession. She didn’t know what to say, how to feel, how to act. It felt like she’d been stabbed through the heart and her dying breath was escaping her gaping mouth. And even as she fell she knew she couldn’t let him down. It took a few minutes to form any kind of coherent thought in response. It wasn’t like she hadn’t known about him and Padmé, it was just so unexpected, so out of the blue, so devastating to her own soul, her mind went as blank as her mouth went dry. 

And what startled her the most was that the first feeling that started to resurface wasn’t sorrow, or heartbreak or loss, but anger. It pumped through her system before she had enough control to shut it down. Or slow it down, because the thoughts it flooded into her brain made sense. They felt vindicated, and she felt a burning need to shout them out. But somehow, somehow... the softer voice won out. The one that told her that wasn’t how to deal with this. That if she loved him she would have to love him wherever he was or whatever he’d done. 

“Have you...” she gasped. “Talked to Master Yoda about the visions?” She was amazed she’d made any sound at all. She knew it was a stupid question before it completely exited her mouth. Even if he _had_ gone to Master Yoda, he probably hadn’t told the grandmaster enough to really help him. It wasn’t like he could say, ‘I got someone pregnant and now I’m having visions of them dying.’

Though now that she thought about it... Jedi may not be allowed to form attachments, but they weren’t required to be celibate. Surely there were systems in place or plans for cases in which there were pregnancies within the order?

“Yes,” he sighed and leaned back against the seat, relaxing his grip on her and letting his arms fall to the sides. “He told me to rejoice in their death because they become one with the force.” She swallowed her comment. She’d been raised the same way, nothing she could say about it would be insightful or helpful. “I know what I’m supposed to do, but I can’t. I’ve already lost so many people, I can’t lose her too.”

She brought her hands together and rubbed them absentmindedly. “When I had that vision about her a few years back, Master Yoda told me that the future was always in motion. That just because you had a vision, it didn’t mean that was what would happen for sure.” She felt kind of cold suddenly and shivered a little. “There must be something we can do.”

“I don’t know what,” he sighed sounding utterly defeated.

“Well, this might sound silly, but have you taken her to a doctor? Or convinced her to go? Maybe whatever causes her death in the vision is preventable?” she suggested, though she knew the answer already. If it was truly that simple, it was unlikely the force would grant you a vision of it. “It wouldn’t hurt, right? At least it could rule stuff out.” 

“The chancellor said he knew a story that might help. About a Sith that learned how to beat death and save people from dying,” he whispered, and she shuddered before she could catch herself. “I didn’t get to hear the whole story though, because that’s when your friend called to say the ship was ready and I... suddenly really wanted to see you.”

She checked the controls to be sure they were still flying straight with no problems and then she shifted her weight onto his right leg so she could turn to look at him. “Anakin,” she started carefully. “I know you’re scared; I know you’re afraid of losing people but... Sith magic? That’s not the answer.”

“Why not?” he growled in exasperation. “It’s not like the Jedi will help me!”

“Listen to me!” she snapped at him. “The Sith... they disrupt the natural order, they twist things, they destroy everything! Even _if_ they had the power to save people from death, do you think it would come without a cost? What would you have to sacrifice to learn it? How long would it take? What if it turns her into something awful? Or _you?_ I know you love her, Anakin, I know you do. But would you really be able to live with yourself if you did something horrible just to save one person? Would she stand for that?”

“It doesn’t matter as long as it keeps her alive!”

She rolled her lips staring at him trying not to show the horror she felt trickling through her on her face. “Losing people is never easy, but we don’t even know that’s what will happen,” she pleaded for him to listen. “We’ll find a way to help her, but not _that_ way.”

“What if that’s the _only_ way?” he said desperately.

She reached out and touched his face before she could think better of it. She knew how deep this fear went, what could she truly say or do? She couldn’t promise him Padmé would live. If the force sent him a vision... but what if it was just a nightmare? What if his fear of her pregnancy just triggered old fears, deeper fears? 

“I love you,” she whispered before she could fully comprehend what she just admitted. She instantly blushed, but he barely seemed to give any kind of notice to her confession; drowning too deeply in his own thoughts. “Please listen to me,” she begged. “Whatever happens, I’ll be there for you, but the Sith way isn’t the answer. You’re better than them, Anakin. You’re better than that. Loss is never easy; it’s not meant to be easy. But it’s in those moments we learn who we really are and what we stand for. I know how much you’ve suffered, I felt all of it too. It’s not fair, it’s _never_ fair. But even when it’s the darkest, there’s still light. There’s still light. Please reach for it. Please don’t drift away from me now.” She brushed his long hair out of his eyes. “Padmé needs you to be there, to be strong for her, to be brave. She needs _you_ , as you _are_ , not some kind of monster chasing foolish magic that might not even be enough.” 

“I don’t think I’m strong enough,” he choked weakly. 

“You are, Anakin. There’s nobody stronger than you. I know you can resist it. I know you can stay in the light,” she breathed, shifting again so she could lean down and rest her head on his chest. Reaching around him to hold onto him as tight as she could in the awkward position. “Would it help if I came back?” She tried to hide the shakiness in her voice when she asked it. She didn’t want to come back, she didn’t want to be a Jedi again. She didn’t want to trust them after what they’d done. But... for him she would. If it was the only way she could help him, she’d face her fears and the pain. Even if she could never have what she really wanted, or he’d never be able to return it.

“You’d do that for me?” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tighter against him. “After what they did to you?”

“Yes,” she sighed, not sounding as sure as she wished she could be. “But you have to promise me something. I’ll come back, but I have to know you’re going to listen to me. I know I broke your trust when I left, I know I haven’t earned it back. But the only way I can help you is if you let me. I’ll do what I can to help Padmé, but if the worst happens... please hold onto me.”

“It hurt when you left,” he said finally. “But I still trust you. I think... you’re the only one I truly trust.”

“Then I promise you, we’ll get through this. _Together._ ”


End file.
